Lavenderhouse

Certainties

The other day I heard Robbie Williams on the radio talking about how he liked 'knock out flu' as he is an insomniac and loves a good dose of flu that makes him go to sleep.  I can relate to that.  As long as my bones are not aching too much I love to fall in to the deep sleep that flu offers.  Since having children I am a light sleeper and once in a while I am sure my body needs to get one of those deep sleeps.

 

Today I have been lying in bed with either cold/flu.  Spencer the cat has been sunning himself at the foot of the bed and two small children have been overdosing on children's tv and lego as they are off school with colds - terrible english but that sums it up.  My brain has been working over time sorting things out whilst I have been dozing with the sound of children's TV constantly on in the background.

After all:-

 

I actually think it is all a bit baffling at times but it is all becoming a lot clearer.  I did a very tiring workshop at the weekend.  Amongst all the things I learnt I feel one valuable lesson is to plan your life around the certainties ... you know the things that are certain, that you know exist not what might or could happen.   This is not about goal setting so you can reach for the stars as far as that is concerned!

Possibility

As a Mum of three children I am so aware how rapidly Christmas is approaching.  Normally, by this time of year I nearly have Christmas licked in to shape e.g nearly all the presents bought and wrapped as I really love to enjoy the children's excitement as Christmas approaches.  This year I am way off the mark.  I need nearly normal service to resume here.  It may be our last Christmas in this house so I would really like to make the most of it with the children.  

The only person that can make this happen is ME.  One of my super friends gave me a little coaching session this evening on possibility.  I like the sound of a future full of possibility because that means really the sky is the limit.

I have discussed this before but one thing that really has to change is getting some of our things back out again.   This is an old photograph before all this crap happened.  The shelf below is currently empty.  I look at it and it is a plain shelf, nothing special about it.  But when I add our things to it then it changes it becomes our shelf, my little family's shelf.    I am going to add things back in to my heart again.  So my heart becomes my heart again.  My little family's heart again.  I love this oxymoron coming up - I HAVE NO ROOM IN MY HEART FOR EMPTINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was emailed to me - I wonder why?

Once upon a time
In a land far away
A beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog
As she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dopper young prince that I am.

And then my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother. Where you can prepare meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself...

I don't fucking think so.

Like a flower slowly opening

Last night I went to Made 09 in Brighton.  It was great to be in such a vibrant arty space with such talented artists and makers. 

 

I was given some lovely daffodils by a very special friend.  I have always found daffodils to be such a happy flower.  

 

When all this recent experience of mine kicked off I put many things away.  I now know I did not want to associate bad memories with my lovely, lovely things.  I am just beginning to bring things back out again.

Today I got out my flower book so the children can turn the pages every day like we used to.  A new flower and a new inspiration every day chosen by them.

I have always worn lots of silver bangles but I no longer wear my old ones.  Last night I bought two new bangles as a start to my new collection.  It felt good.

By the way this happened too:-

I have always felt very safe in my house and am trying to maintain that feeling as yesterday some bugger walked in to my front garden and pinched my locked bicycle.  I have never had anything taken from the front garden and it has always been full of kids toys, bikes, mosaics and general beach paraphernalia.

 

This is Spencer, the cat, climbing over my bike in the summer.  There is obviously some plonker cycling around looking really butch with a flowery bicycle basket.  If you see him/her do me a favour and clip them with your wing mirror!

One year ago

One year ago life was very different for me

 

my best friend and soul mate gave me this card.  We were together for 24 years.  It is over now but I am still in love.  Do you know what I am not ashamed to write of my deepest love for this man.   Love like this is a good thing not a bad thing.  I am lucky to have loved so deeply rather than never found a love like it.  

I think it is the bhuddhists that say in order to have an open heart you must have had your heart broken first.  Whilst this is all really tough I do think I know love on a deeper level now. 

Begin

Today's post was tricky.   Believe me there is a lot I would like to talk about but can't.  So whilst doing the usual post school drop off tidy up a few things caught my eye:-

1 #    

 

A book for filling with inspirational new plans - bought ages ago and put on hold for many reasons.  Do yourself a favour ladies rank yourself higher up your list of priorities.  I reckon we should put ourselves No 1 at least one day of the week!

2 #

 

Three little pictures the children did in the summer and we put in a jar for discovering again at a later date.  I love hidden little treasures around the house.

3 #

 

A shell collected on a blissful hot day and threaded with beads on the beach so we could hang it up and remember that happy day.

4 #

 

Key to the fabric cupboard, which the girls and I are going to be raiding and doing a little bit of tiny mouse production on Saturday.  Added bonus turquoise, pink, velvet and polka dot ribbons.  Yes, simple things like that do make me happy.

5 #

 

Numerous notes I have been sent from wonderful friends, who say such lovely things and it is great to be able to read them again when you need to. 

So I am off today to BEGIN .......

From now on ...

I cannot write exactly what is happening in my life but I want to get back to blogging as people have sent me some really lovely emails of encouragement.  I am always truthful about my life and therefore have had to stop writing unless this blog were take on a whole new life of its own.  Anyway, life has thrown at me recently some really nasty stuff to cope with. 

Today, however, I realised mid morning that for the first time in a long time I had actually woken up feeling happy, really happy.  Not just the sort of happiness that you get from looking at your children's little fingers and toes, not the sort of happiness you get from kissing the top of their head and smelling shiny clean hair or the sort of happiness you get from pottering in the woods with them and their friends.  I realised I - yes ME - felt happy on my own, in my own right.

 

So here I am blogging again - properly - documenting life because I really do want to start remembering it all from now on.  

Into the ether

Recently I have had to remind myself that certain things make me very happy, simple little things like the colour pink and turquoise, flowers etc.

 

Indulgences such as Clarins fantastic relaxing balm  infused with aromatherapy oils have literally kept me sane during the most difficult part of my life.  It is all far from sorted  but I want to put out there in to the ether that I AM A POSITIVE HAPPY JOYFUL WOMAN WHOSE LIFE IS ONLY GOING TO GET BETTER AND BETTER.  

 

Well call me demanding but ....

Life is like a jigsaw, sometimes it’s all over the floor
When the pieces fit together, you feel a thing you’ve never felt before

by One Night Only - It's alright

In the far left corner of this picture (as you look at it) there is a couple walking through the lavender together.  She was wearing the most beautiful thin angora lavender tank top and he was wearing a gorgeous soft brown jumper.   They were there just together and were taking photographs of each other, smiling and talking in the lavender.  It was so romantic. 

Helen wrote in my comments:-

How lovely those pictures are, so romantic, wandering through lavender fields, trailing fingers through the lavender like trailing them through cool, blue water. Aahh ...

Helen's blog is called 'A life worth living'.  The title of her blog says it all as far as I am concerned. 

As much as I absolutely love my children 100% I still want to do things like that too.  I want to sit in a quiet meadow, listening to the grass rustle whilst picnicing with my husband.  I want to sit on the beach with the sun warming my bones and the sea lapping on the shore whilst we read novels or snooze. 

Any other ideas ladies?

Well, call me demanding but I need some of those memories for when I am an old lady. 

Things to make you smile!

Do you have funny bizarre days?  You know things that make you giggle.  Last Friday the first thing I had to do at school was make green tissue paper bogeys to stick up the nose of a really large wicker and tissue paper head that had been made for the Children's Parade - where is that in the Guide Book of being a Mum! 

Today I was doing the shopping and I heard this loud noise and shriek from the other side of the shopping aisle.  Suddenly there was a landslide of frozen chickens and this poor lady was standing knee high in frozen birds.  I had to wedge the freezer door shut until a member of staff could come and help.  Both of us were giggling away. 

When I got home I went down on the beach to photograph this sunflower and write 'Happy Dad's Dad' in the sand for a Father's Day card.  I had a quick look around for a stick and found this one - it made me laugh - it had a bic pen lid on the end!  It was perfect for writing in the sand!

Don't you just love the gorgeous sparkling sea and the vivid yellow of the sunflower together.  Hope you manage to catch a few rays today and a sniff of fresh air.

 

Spencer is settling in well and making himself at home .....