Good things come to those who wait - Apple blossom on my apple tree on my allotment - I was on that waiting list for 8 years - we got our key last week - the kids were so excited you would have thought we were getting the key to Narnia!
This is so personal but I believe it is a major part of my life and instrumental to me moving on and grabbing life 100%. I only want to live a sparkly, glittery life which I know is possible. Plans are coming to fruition and I promise faithful readers - can't believe how many of you still read despite my sporadic posts - to keep you more up to date with the better things in my life.
I think last time I blogged - you know - about a punch on the nose - I was heading for feeling really angry with a certain woman in New York who last year turned the head of my husband and stole his love from my family and me. I lost my lover, best friend and husband all in one go. We have tried to 'fix' it but I know when I look him in the eyes I will never feel safe in his arms again so it can never be.
I had always felt massive sadness about all this but never felt really angry. I have felt very cross, I mean really cross but not angry. I refused to do the bitterness and anger thing. However, I kept meeting people who hate their unfaithful ex-partners and I know I just don't want to keep that heaviness in my heart forever. So I thought and thought. My brain hurt so much from thinking about it and I tried and tried to forgive her in my mind but I couldn't. Then I emailed her and told her this:-You have changed my children's lives and my life beyond anything I or they could ever imagine. I realised today that marriage can work as long as you don't remember what your arguements are about. I will never be able to forget what broke my marriage up. I do not want to carry that pain forward in my life any more. I leave all resentment and anger towards my husband and you behind.
I have lost my marriage, my best friend, my lover and my family unit. We have to sell our family home and no birthday, wedding or family gathering etc will ever be the same.
I forgive you for all the hurt, damage and pain caused but you have to pay it forward. I would love to know what you do.
Please also read Women who run with the Wolves - by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
I realise you took from me my husband because you did not have enough yourself. I hope you find love, peace and happiness.
I summoned all my strength for this but I wish you much love and hope in finding what you need. I am on a quest myself to re-discover what I lost and I know that with perseverance, forgiveness and love both you and I will find it.
All of my love
PS I am crying as I write this but I know this is the only way forward.
I have let go of any bad feelings I have towards her as I really think she was grabbing for something she was missing. I really hope she finds it. I am determined to restructure my life again in such a positive way. I have met some amazing, wonderful people during my journey and made some fantastic new friends. Old friends have stood by me in the most deep touching ways possible. I am one lucky person!
Watch this and feel happy!