Lavenderhouse

Certainties

The other day I heard Robbie Williams on the radio talking about how he liked 'knock out flu' as he is an insomniac and loves a good dose of flu that makes him go to sleep.  I can relate to that.  As long as my bones are not aching too much I love to fall in to the deep sleep that flu offers.  Since having children I am a light sleeper and once in a while I am sure my body needs to get one of those deep sleeps.

 

Today I have been lying in bed with either cold/flu.  Spencer the cat has been sunning himself at the foot of the bed and two small children have been overdosing on children's tv and lego as they are off school with colds - terrible english but that sums it up.  My brain has been working over time sorting things out whilst I have been dozing with the sound of children's TV constantly on in the background.

After all:-

 

I actually think it is all a bit baffling at times but it is all becoming a lot clearer.  I did a very tiring workshop at the weekend.  Amongst all the things I learnt I feel one valuable lesson is to plan your life around the certainties ... you know the things that are certain, that you know exist not what might or could happen.   This is not about goal setting so you can reach for the stars as far as that is concerned!

Let's go fly a kite

I want to blog regularly but I am finding it difficult to be very creative at the moment.  I thought I would pick a random photo from near my birthday this year.  This photograph was taken on my favourite beach in Cornwall.

Considering the tag line at the top of my blog I think this is rather appropriate.

Possibility

As a Mum of three children I am so aware how rapidly Christmas is approaching.  Normally, by this time of year I nearly have Christmas licked in to shape e.g nearly all the presents bought and wrapped as I really love to enjoy the children's excitement as Christmas approaches.  This year I am way off the mark.  I need nearly normal service to resume here.  It may be our last Christmas in this house so I would really like to make the most of it with the children.  

The only person that can make this happen is ME.  One of my super friends gave me a little coaching session this evening on possibility.  I like the sound of a future full of possibility because that means really the sky is the limit.

I have discussed this before but one thing that really has to change is getting some of our things back out again.   This is an old photograph before all this crap happened.  The shelf below is currently empty.  I look at it and it is a plain shelf, nothing special about it.  But when I add our things to it then it changes it becomes our shelf, my little family's shelf.    I am going to add things back in to my heart again.  So my heart becomes my heart again.  My little family's heart again.  I love this oxymoron coming up - I HAVE NO ROOM IN MY HEART FOR EMPTINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was emailed to me - I wonder why?

Once upon a time
In a land far away
A beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog
As she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dopper young prince that I am.

And then my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother. Where you can prepare meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself...

I don't fucking think so.

Like a flower slowly opening

Last night I went to Made 09 in Brighton.  It was great to be in such a vibrant arty space with such talented artists and makers. 

 

I was given some lovely daffodils by a very special friend.  I have always found daffodils to be such a happy flower.  

 

When all this recent experience of mine kicked off I put many things away.  I now know I did not want to associate bad memories with my lovely, lovely things.  I am just beginning to bring things back out again.

Today I got out my flower book so the children can turn the pages every day like we used to.  A new flower and a new inspiration every day chosen by them.

I have always worn lots of silver bangles but I no longer wear my old ones.  Last night I bought two new bangles as a start to my new collection.  It felt good.

By the way this happened too:-

I have always felt very safe in my house and am trying to maintain that feeling as yesterday some bugger walked in to my front garden and pinched my locked bicycle.  I have never had anything taken from the front garden and it has always been full of kids toys, bikes, mosaics and general beach paraphernalia.

 

This is Spencer, the cat, climbing over my bike in the summer.  There is obviously some plonker cycling around looking really butch with a flowery bicycle basket.  If you see him/her do me a favour and clip them with your wing mirror!

One year ago

One year ago life was very different for me

 

my best friend and soul mate gave me this card.  We were together for 24 years.  It is over now but I am still in love.  Do you know what I am not ashamed to write of my deepest love for this man.   Love like this is a good thing not a bad thing.  I am lucky to have loved so deeply rather than never found a love like it.  

I think it is the bhuddhists that say in order to have an open heart you must have had your heart broken first.  Whilst this is all really tough I do think I know love on a deeper level now. 

To make you laugh

Living by the sea is invigorating.  There is a true gale happening outside today.  It is very wild and windy.  The combination of listening to the lively music that Juice, a great local Brighton radio station, play all day long and the sky going incredibly dark and grey called for a moment of .... I don't know what to call it but here is the result:-

 

Yes, nothing beats the warmth of a tea cosy on a wintery day plus it REALLY MADE US ALL LAUGH:-

1:-    We were all smiling for the camera despite the fact we are hiding our faces for a blog photo!

2:-    It is impossible to tell with a tea cosy on your head whether the self-timer has worked or not!

Have a happy moment, whatever you do.

Begin

Today's post was tricky.   Believe me there is a lot I would like to talk about but can't.  So whilst doing the usual post school drop off tidy up a few things caught my eye:-

1 #    

 

A book for filling with inspirational new plans - bought ages ago and put on hold for many reasons.  Do yourself a favour ladies rank yourself higher up your list of priorities.  I reckon we should put ourselves No 1 at least one day of the week!

2 #

 

Three little pictures the children did in the summer and we put in a jar for discovering again at a later date.  I love hidden little treasures around the house.

3 #

 

A shell collected on a blissful hot day and threaded with beads on the beach so we could hang it up and remember that happy day.

4 #

 

Key to the fabric cupboard, which the girls and I are going to be raiding and doing a little bit of tiny mouse production on Saturday.  Added bonus turquoise, pink, velvet and polka dot ribbons.  Yes, simple things like that do make me happy.

5 #

 

Numerous notes I have been sent from wonderful friends, who say such lovely things and it is great to be able to read them again when you need to. 

So I am off today to BEGIN .......

Things I am delighting in at the moment ....

Things I am delighting in at the moment:-

# 1    Sunshine yellow roses 

   

# 2    Shopping with Beki and Nadia at the Eternal Maker (also available on-line)

 

# 3    Bluebirds

 

# 4    Individuality (old photo of Skyla, my daughter, who had dressed herself - age 5)

 

# 5    Finding an actual mode on my camera for taking firework photographs

Sparks

Look, look this proves I have my sparkle and glitter back.  One of my most wonderful friends booked me on a day course of sewing.  Three of us sat yesterday in the studio of Lara Sparks totally unaware of the rain and grey day outside because we were whizzing away on our sewing machines making these wonderful cushions.  

 

It was great to do something really creative and get back in the groove of mixing colours and creating.  I think I am gradually rewiring my brain to be reeeeaaaaalllllly HAPPPPPPPY again.  I feel strong and would like to thank you all in the virtual world for sending me lovely comments and encouragement, friends in the real world who write me wonderful cards and letters and for all those brilliant friends who have hugged and squeezed me countless times.  I THANK YOU ALL!